Blossoming

My heart is so full of gratitude right now. It could be the season of {Christ}mas... Whatever it is, I'm thankful that I have so many people and reasons to be thankful.

Here goes a giant, fat thank you to many people...

Thank you to...

My parents. You two have given me the world and infinite opportunities to succeed/grow/learn/make mistakes/love/teach/etc..

My brothers. You guys keep me on my toes, always make me think and laugh, and teach me new things all the time. I'm so glad that we have become the best of friends.

Elder Logan Wilson. I love you... You know that though. I didn't think it was really possible to love him more after he left, or learn something from him everyday, or to just know that I couldn't live without him. I wouldn't be happy without him, simple as that.

My amazing, beautiful, hilarious roommates. I say it everyday, you ladies are the biggest answer to my prayers and such a blessing. I know that very few girls come home from college and have 5 new (or old) best friends that will be around forever. Thank the heavens that I was able to live with these chicks for the past 4 months, and have the next 4 months to become even better friends. I love you dudes... thanks for being by my side at our first semester of college!

My friends. I freaking miss you guys, ya know that?? It's the hardest thing to be away from the people you've grown up with and love the most. No more adventures, laughs, inside jokes, or stupid things to do over the weekends... We've gone our separate ways, but I still love you all and hope and pray that you are doing well. Let me know if you need anything!

Missionaries. I have the best missionary friends. No doubt about it. Thanks for feeding my spiritual appetite every Sunday/Monday. You guys and gals are the best examples to me!

Kimberly King. She's an angel and one tough cookie. Let's just say that she and her blog have helped me out more than she'll probably ever know. Thanks for the advice and friendship Kim!

My extended family and friends. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and members from the CF gyms, people I've met at school... Thanks for always supporting me, & giving me advice and positive words. The more support, the better because Heaven knows I struggle and need lots of help from loving people.

And most of all, my Heavenly Father... seriously, that guy. and Jesus Christ.. daaang, Gina. All I'm going to say is HOLLA! because the church is true and these guys are looking out for me.

I could never thank you guys enough. Honestly, you're all a blessing and have helped me out in more ways than I could count. Thank you for helping me grow up. I've really changed in the past year.... for the better! I love life and I'll continue to keep blossoming.

xoxo 

kylee jean

See Ya Laters... Not Goodbyes

I've stayed home this summer more than any other. I've laughed with my parents and brothers more than I thought possible. I thought all was well until I had to start saying my goodbyes. But, I really don't want them to be goodbyes. I just want to see them all later. 

The people I've grown up with. The people that have shaped me into the Kylee that I'm truly proud to be. And I am that girl because of my parents, my leaders, my teachers, Abbi Liddell, Hailey Fonda, Logan Wilson, McKel Woodbury, Kenzie Bailey, Austin Lyon and so many others. 

To all my dear friends that have moved away to college or onto a mission... have so much fun. I love you all and I think about you all the time already. You guys are the greatest friends I'll ever have and I will always have your backs!

To my parents... I could never thank you enough. Thank you for the unconditional love and support. Thank you for letting me learn on my own. Thank you for helping me grow up. Thank you for giving me so many opportunities. Thank you for becoming my best friends.

To my brothers... Don't grow up too fast. Love your parents. Love your friends. Enjoy school, learning, reading, growing, meeting new people and being alive. Don't give up and don't do too many stupid boy things. Go outside and breath the fresh air. Don't forget to call once in awhile, because I love you guys so dang much. Thanks for putting up with my moods, attitude and endless teasing... You only tease the ones you love.

To Abbi... (here come the real tears, this has been the hardest 'see ya' yet...) "Growing up won't bring us down." "This is my oath to you: Where you go, just always remember that you got a home now and forever. And if you get low, just call me whenever..." Thank you for being the closest thing I've got to a sister. I know that my moving away won't change a thing between us.. If anything, we'll be better friends. Please come visit. Please always laugh and smile and love your life. Please don't forget the laughs, driving around with the sun roof open, singing at the tops of our lungs, CD exchanges, outfit texts every night before school, dance nights, 17 sleep overs in a row, spring break in Yuma, stupid boys and stories, crafts we'll never finish, The Maine concert, talking about our futures, all the drama, quotes, bucket lists, laying out, Montana, nail painting... These adventures will never end. They'll go on forever and we'll go on creating them. Thank you for never giving up on my craziness. You're a blessing in the lives of many and you're beautiful, PLEASE never forget it. Don't worry about the stupid boys now. Learn everything and read all the books. Stay unique and beautiful. Do what you love and don't let anyone question you. 

To Logan... Thank you for helping me grow up. Thank you for teaching me to love myself and feel important and beautiful. Thank you for showing me what it feels like to be loved no matter what mistakes I make. Thank you for your patience and forgiveness. People don't understand us & I really don't mind because, my heavens, I've fallen madly in love with you. I can't wait to see what the future holds. You'll be amazing in Singapore and bless so many lives with your positive attitude and perfect smile. Don't forget to write!

To Hailey... You're the best example and friend I'll ever have. I want to be beautiful and strong and virtuous like you when I grow up. I could never thank you enough for putting up with me and sticking around. I can't wait to share this new college adventure with you. The good times will never end and I will always be around for you. I owe you that, at least. I love you!

I made it through this post with all the tears I had left... for today (; I am truly excited for this new adventure. I never thought it would be so hard to let go of some things and tell all the people  I love that I'll see them in a few weeks or months. Good things are on their way, the best is yet to come and I can't wait to grow up a little bit more. 

xoxo 

kylee jean

hello there...

first of all, it's been a minute since i've posted... almost 2 months! yikes.. i've been pretty busy, i suppose! Finishing high school, graduating (surround by my very best friends and family), starting 2 jobs at once, and just summer in general... it takes a lot out of a girl(;
also, i need a new blog name! since i am no longer 17, and i haven't been for a minute, i'll have to figure that out (:

so tonight (last night/this morning?), i discovered my love/hate relationship for 3 word responses.

hate:

i don't care, it doesn't matter, you tell me, i don't know, this is boring, 

love:

i love you, i miss(ed) you, let's do it, let's run away, i want you, i trust you, 

specifically, "I don't care,"  

i didn't realize how indecisive i am until i got pointed fingers at. i feel like i'm losing my creativity and i'm too lazy to become that again. i just want to be prepared with activities and ideas so i don't ever have to say "i don't care" again. Even though... i seriously don't care. i'm becoming more laid back and also more open to whatever comes my way. So, it's good and bad. 

and "I love you."

love is.. strange. i love so many things and people, truly, i do. i have a hard time telling people that i love them. even my own parents! so, when those 3 words were spoken to me, the feeling was.. mmm. nearly enough to bring this girl to tears. i've just never felt something so strongly. literally my whole being, every fiber in my body was weak. these three words have been said to me before, obviously. like he said though, it was a love we chose, not something we were just given. i can't begin to explain how i feel or how it felt at the time but know that I'm happy. 

it's amazing how 3 simple words can make or break a night. 3 words made me so irritated and then 3 different words turned into something that i will most likely never forget; a feeling that i hope never goes away and a feeling that happens often. 

the best part? it wasn't something crazy. it just happened. a lot of this probably doesn't make sense if you're reading it... but it makes sense in my head and that's all i really need from this blog of mine. so there's that. 

the coming post's will most likely make more sense, although i'm not making any promises (:

xoxo

kylee jean

My Sweet Papa

18 years ago, on Friday, I was brought into this world by my absolutely lovely parents. On that day, it happened to be my Papa's birthday. May 17th would be quite the day to remember for the both of us, from then on out. Not only was I the first grandchild on the Terry side, but I landed my birth right on the 50th birthday of the man in charge. Every year since then, we've  shared fun parties and/or sweet phone calls on that day. 

This year, I was a loser and didn't call him until Saturday... Regardless, I never forget those moments when I learn a little more from a wise, old man. He's shared countless stories and experiences with me, where I take something away and hope I can have such experiences. 

Yesterday was no different. 

I called him in the late morning. We discussed my graduation and our birthday. Then, he mentioned that he didn't know I was planning on serving a mission until he got my grad announcement. He told me a story of getting set apart and his stake president telling him that he would never be a successful missionary until he learned to love the people of his mission. He gave me advice on how to prepare for a mission and to get ready for college. He got emotional as he told me how important I am to him. My heart got full and my eyes swelled with tears. 

I sure do love my sweet Papa and I hope that we have many birthdays to come. He has done more for me and my family than most people could ever comprehend, and few will understand why. I'm grateful for his example, testimony and unconditional love in my life. 

I love you, Papa. 

xoxo

kylee jean

wahh.

I say that a lot. Especially when I'm teasing people for complaining... Unfortunately, there is truth to every joke. I complain a lot, there's no denying it. I wish I'd get slapped or shocked every time I did because I honestly hate listening to incredibly blessed people complain all the time. Nobody's life is easy but we definitely make it harder than it should be. 

Maybe I've got rose-colored glasses on because my life is moving smoothly right now. 

Maybe it's because my heart is so full of love for so many people. Maybe it's because I'm not perfect and I struggle more than I'd like people to know. Maybe it's because I'm in love. Maybe it's because I've got the worlds best family and friends holding me up. every single day. Maybe it's because I live in a beautiful country, city and home. Maybe it's because I am beyond blessed to have an education. Maybe it's because I'm alive and well and able. Maybe it's because I've got opportunity for success laid out on silver platters right under my nose. 

And maybe, just maybe, I'm growing up. 

I'm learning that life is hard and that I need to deal with it. I've learned to trust few, but give everyone an opportunity to speak their mind and feel comfortable. I've learned to put on a happy face. I've learned to have more patience (still working on this... it's a daily battle). I've learned to love myself, because that's the only way I can truly love others. I've learned to breathe. Breathing isn't always the best solution. It's good to let off steam. It's good to eat ice cream and cry. It's good to take a day off and forget about the stress. It's great to sleep it off. It's good to write letters. It's good to be alive. 

I want to look back on these past years... high school... and smile. Smile a giant, ear-to-ear grin. Definitely laugh, definitely remember the tears and drama. Definitely remember who I was and how much I've grown. I want to be happy with who I became and how I got there. I want to look back on pictures and tell stories. Nostalgia. I don't want to remember the days I was so irritable and mean to the people I love most. I don't want to remember the nights I lied to friends or my parents because I was too much of a coward to speak the truth. I don't want to remember the days I fought with my brothers or parents. I want to remember the lessons learned and how I felt after. 

I hope that I look back and I'm proud of myself. I hope my parents are proud of me. I hope my friends are proud of me. I have so much hope that I will succeed and be happy and make a difference in other people's lives. Hope will keep me fighting. I mostly hope that I live a fulfilling life. 

Smile, my loves. I hope all these things for you too. 

xoxo

kylee jean

Blessed.

I don't know why I ever complain. 

About anything. 

Today, Dallin's dad bore his testimony about all of the things he's been given and everything he's been blessed with. I guess it made me think of what I've been blessed with and how fortunate I am to be alive and to know God. I'm so incredibly blessed. I was thinking, it's absolutely ridiculous that girls are so self-conscious and judgmental of themselves and others. I look at myself some days and I'm like, "dang girl, you look goooood." And other days.. its not so nice. I'm not being conceited, but I have confidence in myself and I know that I'm fortunate. I wish I could remember that all the time. I am beautiful. I'm not fat, I'm fit. It's okay to have some creases in my skin and have my legs touch in the middle. I have zits once in awhile and often times, I'm sporting a double chin (if I get really excited). But hey, I know I'm not perfect, and I'm not supposed to be. I'm Gods creation; a beautiful creature sent to earth to live and learn and be thankful for what God has given me. Yah, other people will be skinnier or have more stuff or have different features than me. It doesn't mean they're better or prettier than me. 

Just different. 

Abbigayle taught me that. 

Nobody is better than another. We're just different. But we all have the same purpose... I am just happy to be blessed with amazing people to help and teach me. Good or bad, permanent or temporary, strange or boring.. Every person I meet has an impact on me. I hope I can be a positive impact on everyone I meet.. It's the least I can do.

xoxo

kylee jean

Today

Thanks heavens for amazing friends on a bad day. Who knew that a simple quote, a compliment in Chinese and finding a good quote would change my mood so quick?

"Difficulties should act as a tonic. They should spur us to greater exertion." ~B.C. Forbes

High School

This might be totally ridiculous, but Mean Girls has so many lessons we can learn from in high school. Cady goes to high school for the first time and tries so hard to impress both sides of people. It ends up hurting her reputation and she basically loses all her friends (well.. until the end, because all movies have a "happily ever after"). Don't we all go through this, to some degree, during high school? We either try so hard and don't get the attention we feel like we want or we just feel alone or weird or anything else.

It's like when Cady says: "Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."

It's true. So. True. Why do we feel like insulting others or putting people down will make us bigger and better? Why can't we just be honest and kind?

I've just been thinking a lot about my time in high school and how much I've changed. High school has be a thrill. So many ups and downs. So many lessons learned and realizations about who I am and what I want. I've learned to trust people with small things - either until they give me a reason to trust them or to not to. People don't really care about you, they're just selfish and want to be on the 'in'. I haven't just learned these things from the bad moments I've had, but mostly the good ones. The amazing people I've been blessed to know. The times that I have deep conversations with my friends and we decide what we want out of life, what we believe, and where will be in 'x' amount of years.

I've learned: 

-Honesty is the best policy. It just is. Sometimes, it hurts... but I'd rather be hurt by the truth than impressed with a lie. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt someone by being too frank. I just can't stand to be lied to and I don't see the purpose in it. 

-Be yourself. I've had so many times in the past six years that I've put on a face or tried to be someone that I'm just not. Sometimes it was bad, and sometimes it just wasn't me. People will like you for you. They may be weird or people you don't expect yourself enjoying, but I promise that they will end up being the most magnificent people. 

-Be happy. Put a smile on our face, it's prettier that way. Plus, I hate to break it to you, a lot of people just don't care and they don't want to hear your complaints. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that sometimes just doesn't care. But, I promise I'll be willing to listen and help if you really need it.

-Other people are meant to be enjoyed. So, enjoy them. Be kind. Accept people for who and what they are. Wouldn't you want that same respect? I sure do. 

-Tell people that they matter to you, if they do. I learned this from Logan. He tells his close friends and family, without a doubt, when he leaves that he loves them. I thought that was weird at first because I used to be weirded out saying "I love you" or "you're important to me," but what if that person thinks otherwise? What if something happened to them from the time you left to the next time you were together? As a girl and a human being, it feels good to know that you're cared about and you're important to others. It feels good to be appreciated. So, appreciate others - their talents, their stories, who they are, their smile, the little things. 

-Have good friends. Surround yourself with people that will hold you up in times of need. People that make you feel happy. People that want you to succeed. People that support you and give you their honest opinions when making decisions. It took me a minute to find those people, but I definitely found them. Abbi Liddell, Hailey Fonda, Austin Lyon, McKel Woodbury, McKenzie Bailey, Logan Wilson, Kaitlyn Williams, Dallin Bristol, Mitch Whitney. My parents. My brothers. 

Life is magnificent, beautiful thing. I am beautiful. I matter. I can and will do great things (*I don't always say this, but I'm feeling good today). I am strong. I won't give up on anything. I will be successful. 

And you wanna know what? So will you. 

xoxo

kylee jean

Tender Mercy Tuesday

I could never have enough gratitude in my heart or actions for everything I've been blessed with. There's just no way because I've been given SO many things.... it's overwhelming. 

I do know that I'm being watched over. This past weekend, I got in a crazy sledding accident (I know, it sounds lame... but it was serious) in which I flew off of a jump and got some big air only to land directly on my face and the roll the rest of the way down. My face was cut up as well as bruised and swollen within minutes. I was embarrassed and angry. It happened in front of a lot of people and I had a dance that night at school. Now that I've had time to process it and accept the look I'll be rocking for a couple weeks, I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have such little damage. Granted, the right half of my face is completely swollen and cut up while I also have whiplash and my back is out of alignment and a couple ribs out of alignment... but it could have been worse. I could have broken my nose, broken my neck and been paralyzed, lost teeth, hurt my eye/lost vision, broken my cheek bone or a variety of other things. (I'm doing much better now)

I wish it didn't take big trials like this for me to realize that I'm always being watched over. I'm super grateful for my awesome best friends who helped me right away and made sure I was going to be okay as well as my mother who has been checking on me and helping me like no other human being could. I guess I just wanted to say how happy I am that I'm watched over and have amazing people to help me.

Watch for the little moments that you are grateful for... They'll mean a lot more to you in the long run and help us realize our blessings. Have an awesome week, my lovelies!

xoxo

kylee jean

Lacking inspiration

I feel like I've been lacking any sort of creativity lately. I don't feel inclined to design beautiful, complex stories or feelings in my head. I don't know why but it's making me sad. It's not that I'm depressed, because I'm far from. I guess there aren't many fantastic things happening everyday. 

Scratch that.

Everyday is beautiful. I smile. I laugh. I enjoy myself. I am surrounded by beautiful people. I wake up every morning, wanting to go back to bed but then I realize that I'd rather be awake to experience every moment I can. Life moves too fast to sleep it away (... no matter how tired we are) or waste time. I guess when everyday seems to be fabulous, I don't notice the crappy stuff so much. Life is easier when I'm happy... isn't that convenient? ha ha.... It's like that cliche saying "It only takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 muscles to frown." It's so true! We might not notice it, but it's seriously less work to be happy! The small trials don't even phase me. I'm trying to be more patient. I'm trying to accept and love others because that's how I want to be treated. I believe that everything happens for a reason. There's no such thing as luck or fate. I also believe in karma. What goes around comes around.. so make sure you're sending a smile and kinds words around... it's a pleasant surprise when it comes smiling back to you.

That was definitely mind vomit. I haven't been posting much lately or even writing in my journal. I just wanted to get some of that craziness out. So, it turns out, the small things that often irritated me easily seem to be disappearing. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still really irritable and need to work on A LOT... but everyday is another step to becoming better. As long as I'm better than I was yesterday, there's not much else to worry about.)

Food for thought: "I'm sick of all the day to day crap, but I know in the end, it's all of that crap that will make life worth it." (from my beautiful, thoughtful BFF Abbi Liddell)

Also, to anyone that's reading this, I want to tell you some things. And I hope you never forget them. 

You are beautiful. You are important. Things will happen when they are supposed to; don't rush life. You will get what you deserve, even if you feel unlucky at moments. Don't worry about the "haters." They are only jealous. Stay strong; don't give up. Never, ever, ever quit fighting. Don't let stupid things get under your skin. Don't die hesitating; act now, get what you want. Now. Now is the time. 

*Happy Birthday to this inspirational man*

Stay beautiful, my lovelies. 

xoxo

kylee jean

this week~

What an eventful week I've had. I feel like there are so many great things that happened but I just don't know how to write them all down without writing a novel! 

Sunday- I went to a farewell with Abbi, Mama Liddell, Hailey and Austin for our darling friend Riley Andus. I literally can't express my joy and excitement when it comes to missionaries. Riley is going to be amazing. His farewell talk was one of the best I've ever heard; how lucky am I to have known such an exceptional young man. (:(:(:

Weekdays- I got new classes this week with the new semester and all... I cannot believe I have 85 days of high school until I graduate.. I'm honestly in shock. I am beyond stoked but nervous and anxious. Ahh! All of my new classes are lovely though, regardless of the work they'll require.

I have the best best friends in the world. That is so over said on my blog, but I could care less.... it's the absolute truth. They never fail to make me laugh, feel better or help me with nearly everything. I'm just blessed with good friends... I can't say it any other way and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Highlights- I love my new seminary class. I'm striving to have a better grade this quarter.
I still have a 4.0 GPA for this year, wahooo!
I like a boy who makes me smile.. literally nonstop. He's darling, nice, has high standards, makes me happy and my friends like him. How lovely (:
I dyed my hair red. Don't fret- it's practically natural (; I used henna hair dye and I'm literally obsessed. It worked like a gem and everyone seem to love it just as much as me. YAY!!

I'm just so happy and content with my life right now. I can't say it any other way. I hope all of you are feeling that way also.. or at least getting to that point. There's nothing better than being happy. Plus, smiles look so much better on people than scowls do... food for thought, my little lovelies.

xoxo

kylee jean

Kylee's Dictionary: Falling in Love

“I fell in love with you the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once.” John Green could not have said a more true statement about love. We see something that we might like or a person we could see ourselves falling in love with. We look at falling in love like a giant, glimmering lake. We dip our toe in to see if we would enjoy what it has to offer. When we realize that the water is warm, we jump right in, unafraid of what problems could lay ahead. Life should be about falling in love. Not only with people, but also with life and the many things it has to offer.

I wonder if love is feeling like a little girl getting her first doll; the joy and sparkle in her eyes as she inspects every inch of it. She loves that thing more than life itself and takes it everywhere. Or, maybe, it’s the feeling you get after a great performance. You can’t stop smiling, you’re excited, and you feel good. Then, they give you the trophy as the final reassurance that your performance was the best that day. Love should also be a rush, the kind you get after a good workout – you’re satisfied and exhilarated. It could be like meeting a new person. You watch them and hold your head high, careful to say and do the right things for a good first impression. You feel that cautiousness with falling in love because it is a fragile thing.

In the book Lucky by Jackie Collins, she states, “falling in love is like getting hit by a truck and yet not being mortally wounded…It is also not being able to remove the smile from your face, loving life with a mad passionate intensity, and feeling ten years younger. Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what's happening. It's inevitable. An event you can't control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course.” In my short, seventeen years, this is what I’ve felt – sometimes with boys – but mostly all of the beautiful things and ideas in life.

During my teenage years, boys have come and gone and will continue to do so. Yet, I still think I fall madly in love with a different boy every time. This boy will consume all of my thoughts, until the next one comes along. The best part about falling in love with someone new is having him appear in my life out of nowhere and I’m excited about him everyday. I get pushed off of that diving board all the time and end up spending a short amount of time on cloud nine. Like Jackie Collins said, it’s my love rollercoaster and I “just have to let it take its course.”

My parents have been married for nineteen years now. Growing up, I don’t remember them acting silly and being lovey-dovey. Now that I’m older, I see them falling in love every day. They started off with very different personalities and passions. As time has passed, they have grown together. I can see them falling in love with each other everyday. They find something new to love all the time. I think that is a beautiful thing about falling in love. Tom Hiddleston says, ”It’s about the fact that the whole world, the whole universe just looks so much more beautiful! All of a sudden everything looks different and your heart will just start smiling. That’s what love is all about…” I see my parents smiling and working together to show me what falling in love really is. They didn’t just fall in love, get married and then struggle for the rest of their marriage. My mom and dad continue falling in love everyday to make their marriage better.

Not only should we fall in love with people, but also with the things that life can offer us. A quote with an unknown author said, “I fall in love with people’s passion. The way their eyes light up when they talk about the thing they love…” Life is all about falling in love with life. Our lives are based on our passions and doing the things we love. If you don’t look forward to doing something everyday, your life is going to waste. I love watching people fall in love with what they do. I see my twelve-year-old brother play soccer every single day, regardless of the weather or his schedule. Nothing makes him happier than running around with his team, dribbling and passing the ball. He literally lights up when he’s playing soccer. He said it simply, “soccer is the best sport. I love it because I love my team. I love to score and it makes me feel good no matter what.”

I have fallen in love with people’s passions. The best thing in the world is seeing someone with a genuine smile on his face. If going to work everyday, playing lacrosse, cooking in the kitchen, or watching TV makes someone happy, then I love it. In a sense, I fall in love with people who are falling in love. Those things could be the most boring activities in the world to someone else, but if it makes another person happy, we should boost them up and help them continue falling in love with those passions.

Personally, I adore taking pictures. I’m not the world’s best photographer and I don’t know everything there is to know about a camera, editing and getting the right shot. I do know that having a camera in my hands and hearing the subtle click of the camera as I capture an image feels incredible. I am literally freezing a moment in time. I will have that moment forever. Like anything, falling in love with pictures took time. It has been a slow progression but being on Yearbook this year has helped me realize that I love taking pictures. I love it because I can freeze people doing what they love. Not only can I hold on to that image, but they also get the lasting memory of that moment and they can go back to that time and feelings.

Love is simply incredible happiness and wishing for someone else’s happiness to be greater than your own. As a seventeen-year-old, I think that’s what falling in love feels like. Falling in love is sporadic but forever and constant. It’s silly and funny but honest and sincere. It’s truthful and trustworthy. Love makes mistakes. To be loved is great, but to be loved in return is the greatest thing life can offer. Love is a leap of faith, stepping into new realms of the world. Love feels like your first concert, your first day of school, driving fast, finding new music, laughing, a good hair day, and learning from your mistakes, learning something new or accomplishing a goal. The feeling that those things give you… I think that’s how you should feel when you’re in love and loving life.

So, next time you think you’re falling in love, don’t be afraid to go slow and then fall in deep all at once.  Don’t be afraid to jump in to the water. Like Shaun Rosenberg says, “Learn to love the things that are going good in your life. Learn to love your friends, your family, and your passions.” Life will only get easier once we realize that all we have to do is fall in love.

xoxo 

kylee jean

Happy

It's amazing how someone can make you so happy; how they can make you forget every worry you have and just make you smile for hours on end.

This is my story about Logan. 

It's not like he's a new friend or anything. We've been friends through all of high school. We had sophomore gym together, he came to my sweet 16, we've talked off and on, I have him rides home from school... Good times. These past 2 weekends, we've hung out and I can't even handle it. I had lost all hope for humanity and good people but Logan.... He's something else. He is the happiest, down-to-earth, genuine, sweetest kid I've ever met. He taught and impacted me more than any of my friends ever could in two hours. I want to tell anyone that knows him that it's a priveledge. I can't begin to explain him in words. (At this point, you're all thinking I'm in love with him... Wrong. I'm not). Anyways, he's so real. He's accepting of other people and he hopes for the best in everything. THAT makes me happy. I don't think I stop smiling when I'm with him. The things he says and how he says them either a) make so much sense and makes me think or b) is straight up hilarious (i.e. "that's my joint", "I'm not about that", "That was the illest!" .. But you have to know Logan to understand his slang). He's just one of the greatest humans that I've ever had the opportunity to know. I wish you all could know him.

I'm not saying I'm in love with him. It's just not every day that you find someone who never bores you, is content with being silly and just hanging out and talking - no fancy adventure needed, and above all, is 100% genuinely happy with life. He's my newest hero. I definitely love the kid to the moon and back. Everyone deserves to know someone who makes them happy. Right now, Logan is doin' it for me.

xoxo

kylee jean 

Testimonies

Today was the first Sunday of the month... which means Fast and Testimony Meeting. I make my very best efforts to fast when necessary but I find it very difficult to walk my shaking, nervous body up to the pulpit and share with everyone what I truly believe. <---- This boggles my mind because I have no problem bearing my testimony in seminary or to my friends but I guess being in church is a different feeling. This morning, (yikes, we started 9 o'clock church today... I barely made it on time, but looked pretty cute(:) I couldn't stop shaking. It's a goal in seminary this month to bear our testimonies at least once and my sunday school teacher texted me and said that she had asked us to go up. I decided that there was a lot riding on this moment, not only for those people who expect me to share, but for myself. Each time I stand at the pulpit and feel the tears swell up in my eyes, the tightness in my throat and my pounding heart, I just know that I need to do it more often. It's a learning experience each time. I learn something new about myself and how I really feel. For me, I try to plan things out and collect my thoughts before but by the time I get the to mic, my mind is blank and I just have word vomit. I'm surprised that I even make sense.

Today was different though. My lip didn't quiver, I didn't sob and I didn't get so nervous that I just ended it and got out as quick as possible. I felt like I carried myself with poise. I did cry, it's inevitable. I felt very calm though and I looked at the audience without any fear. I hope that these moments happen more often than not. Bearing my testimony strengthened my testimony of feeling at peace. God, Jesus Christ and the Spirit often grant us with moments of peace and sometimes it goes unrecognized. Today it was like getting slapped in the face... quietly. hahaha make sense? I haven't felt so calm and peaceful in so long. It felt incredibly good.

I believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the only true church on the earth today. I know that Jesus Christ is MY savior and he atoned for each one of my sins. I'm unbelievably grateful for that knowledge. I am grateful for Joseph Smith and his courage at 14 to get down on his knees, knowing something just wasn't right in his life. I feel forever indebted to these two people. I know that we have temple work to enrich our lives and create eternities for others and ourselves. I LOVE the temples. I know that we have persistent leaders and teachers in the church to make us better and never give up. I've had times that I just wanted to give up because I didn't think it really mattered all that much-I could be happy by myself... WRONG. The only way to be completely blissful in this life is to follow God and his teachings. How grateful I am for the knowledge of eternal happiness, eternal families and repentance. I know these things with a surety in my heart. It takes time to know these things and I have SO much more to learn. I hope that if you don't know any of this, you learn about it and love it like I do. If you do know this, practice it every day. I'm working on it, I promise. I say these these things in the sacred name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

A new year

It is now 2013. How bizarre is that? I don't feel any different or anything crazy, but it's still awesome to know that 1) the world didn't end 2) it's time to refocus myself and 3) I get to set new goals. 

This year is going to present many opportunities for me to experience life. I am. so. excited. 

To recap 2012, it was quite the year. Many absolutely wonderful things and things that I'm glad I got to learn from. I discovered who my honest, true friends are and I learned how much I truly love my family, especially my parents. It makes me happy that I made it through yet another year and learned so many things. I'm also stoked that I get the chance to refocus and become even better than I was last year. 

So far, I've got a couple goals in mind. I hope that I will honestly stick to them this year, because in all reality, I couldn't tell you what my goals were last year.. obviously I was really motivated. These are just the ones I've come up with in the past three days. I'm hoping that I will come up with more. There's nothing wrong with setting a million goals, as long as they're achievable.

1) You can't overuse please and thank you. I realized that people are very ungrateful and have close to no manners. It makes me sad because everyone has something great to offer and it often goes unrecognized. I hope that I will learn better manners and make people feel good about what they are doing.

2) Think something mean, say something nice. Unfortunately, I'm quite opinionated and say exactly what I'm feeling, regardless if it's mean or nice or unnecessary. I'm hoping that I can work on becoming more positive and uplifting. Every thought, word or action starts a chain reaction.

3) Before social networking, make sure everything else is done; such as homework, personal progress, chores, reading, and anything else worthy of my time. I hate that everyone's lives are becoming overrun by our phones, the internet and social networking drama. I want to talk to someone without them trying to upload a picture to Insta or check their Twitter feed. I know that I need to work on this too.

4) NO more swearing. Sadly, I've gotten into a habit of saying things when I get mad or trying to be funny. It's simple, I just have to stop. I haven't said one yet this year. 3 days in and going strong. hahaha

Two thousand thirteen is going to be a year of new hopes and learning. I'm going to put myself out there to have fun and never regret anything. Recently, my bff Abbi posted something about living every single day like it's your last; to make sure that each day has something memorable because we won't ever have that same day again. I'm going to love like I've never been hurt, mend relationships with old friends and forgive those who have hurt me as well as apologizing to those that I know I've hurt. If I've done something unintentionally, I apologize now. I'm honestly trying to be better. There is nothing in this world that can take me down or stop me from doing what I want...unless my mom says no. I hope to travel and help people I never thought I could. I hope that I will make new friends and learn patience. I hope that I never forget who is most important to me (that will be hard). I hope that I never stop making mistakes as long as I know how to fix them. I hope I try new things, listen to different music, dance a new dance, and never stop taking pictures. I hope that I can influence those around me. I hope I read a million books. I hope I live life like nobody will ever take it away. I hope I live like I am infinite.

So, raise your glass to 2013. Show us what you're made of, baby! And to those of you ready to refocus and make new goals, I wish you the absolute best luck and have faith that you will accomplish your endeavors. Much love, my dears.

xoxo

kylee jean